Last Wednesday, I received a phone call from my sister telling me about the bad news. I was speechless and didn’t know how to react at that time. I have never thought about such things would have happened to me so soon, for I am still young at my age to receive news like this. By the way, I was calm enough to handle it but when I told this to my friend, I couldn’t help sobbing, and it was so much like the 27 June incident years ago, I mean emotionally. The only difference this time could be that the day hasn’t come yet and this time there’s still hope as the diagnosis hasn’t been released.

Watching your beloved leave you is a painful feeling, and especially they mean so much to you! When I was conscious about life and death, the only person who passed away was my old man. I still vividly remember when I was told about the news by my mum, her indifferent attitude did affect me, and I didn’t have any special feeling, neither sad nor sorrowful. It was like he’s just another passerby in part of my life. I never regret it indeed; i never regret having no feeling towards this guy with whom I had spent the first 15 years of my life. Although I still recall my former boss asked me to bid him goodbye at the cementary, I never think I made a wrong move.

What am I talking about? I know not. What I know is I should treasure the one I care about when there is time. Last Friday, I had dinner with the whole family in a Chinese restaurant in TST. After the sumptuous dinner, my step father suggested having a stroll at the waterfront promenade, which was an unusual activity for my family. The breeze was blowing lightly and the weather was cool. Walking slowly with them, I sighed the happy time passed so quickly. This kind of happiness was at arm’s length but in the past, I just didn’t grasped the chance to enjoy it.

Now what I can do is to wait for the final judgment day next week. I dare not imagine what is going to happen but moaning and groaning just doesn’t help much. But from now on, what seems to be most important to me should not be my work, but the ones around me! Wish me luck!

I remember when I was young, I once was really scared of being found out that I sneaked to Yuen Long with some of my then primary schoolmates for fun. It was exciting, but then later when my friend’s mum called my home and asked my mum what time I would be home from Yuen Long, I was so worried thinking about how my mum would punish me. Looking back, I realised how stupid I was!

But then when I grew up into an adult, and I know my mum would never scold me for whatever I do, I would be down whenever my boss was unhappy with my performance in any way. And if I really didn’t do well, my mood would be greatly affected by the ruthless remarks I received and I would certainly strive for better results next time.

After what happened to me in 2007 (the most shocking event that had happened to me so far), I found that the so-called ‘pain’ that I have been suffering is really nothing. The scar left in my mind and my heart in that incident/accident is simply irreparable. What matters most is not my work, but the people beside me. But then you may ask ‘Will I ever feel upset at work?’ Sure, but what is most important should not be the critical remarks or scornful comments made by others at work, but those people around me, and those I care about like my family, friends colleagues and students.

I feel a bit upset today simply because my efforts were not at all appreciated, and I sometimes don’t even know whether what I am doing is meaningful or just a waste of my limited life. If one day I can make the right decision, I would hope to get support from my friends!

Another example is a new computer. When the latest netbook of Sony was laucnhed in the market, I immediately wanted to get one although everybody said it’s far too expensive when compared with other brands of the same quality. I did think about it for a long long time, and now I abandoned the idea of getting a netbook for it’s not practical for me to get one. Then I found that notebook I have been using for more than 3 years is getting too slow, and it would be better to get a new desktop. Of course, I tried to look for a model from Sony or Apple, which is much more expensive than the common models like HP and BenQ. Finally, I bought one from HP, which is only about 7000 but with lots more functions than the goodlooking ones from Sony and Apple.

Perhaps it’s a good change! My friend who just bought a Mercedes Benz at about 400,000 told me she regretted buying the car on impulse, and explained she found some of her friends who make a lot more money than she does go to Fairwood or Cafe De Coral for dinner most of the time.

Perhaps I should change my lifestyle a little bit from now on. Spending every dollar wisely is something I need to learn, and always bear in mind!

I have gone through a lot of struggles these days because there suddenly seems to be so many options available to me. To make the right decision, I try to calm myself down and get myself to think of all the consequences for every move I make. I should also consult some of my friends before taking any action. But all these, on a bit negative note, would seem futile as I do believe fate decides much of our life. It sounds discouraging but isn’t it true in the sense that a lot of things which happen to us are not under our control. When one grows to be more mature, one will find this belief unbeatable.

No matter what, too many options may not be a good sign. One’s sweet may be my poison! I should feel guilty if I still don’t know what I am looking for in my life, but are there many people out there still wasting their life doing nothing to make it more meaningful?

Today, I saw one of my uncles whom I have lost contact with for almost 20 years. I still recognise his face but he obviously has forgotten all about me. Not a surprise. And of course, I didn’t go to say hello to him as he is already like a stanger to me. It was such a coincidence to live in the same estate and there must be time when we will meet each other again. Just see whether he still remembers me or not, but to be honest, there’s nothing memorable between their family and me. By the way, let the bygones be bygones. Why bother?

I watched a movie on the way back from Osaka on the plane. This movie was the one I had always wanted to watch, and it’s called “Duplicity”.

The movie was so great that I didn’t fall asleep although it was two hours in length, and I even found my three-and-a-half-hour flight journey less boring. What attracted me most was not only the complicated plots with lots of interweaving flashbacks from time to time, which are important for audience to understand the story, but also the charm and charisma of the female leading character, Julia Roberts.

Having given birth to a baby, the 40 something years old lady is still in good shape, and even sharper than ever. Everytime I watch her movie, I was completely drawn into it by her gesture and voice. I once told my friend that she is such a beauty, and my friend was amazed and even thought that I was crazy. She then asked several others to see whether they agreed with me, and you could have guessed what the other commented.

Anyway, the movie has only been on show for several weeks, and it didn’t make any noise. But I still like it, and would like to recommend it to anybody who happens to read this post. If you are girls, you may well be attracted by Clive Owen (forgive me if I misspell his name) who could play equally well. For those who don’t like to activate their brain, forget about it!

What feelings? The feelings of wanting to be living in Japan, or to be more exact, the feelings of how it would be like if I were to become a Japanese.

I remember I had the same feeling the very first day I stepped foot in Japan about 12 years ago. I still recall the first time I visited Japan with my schoolmates on a study tour, everything was fantastic to me. The place was clean; most of the people played by the rule; the views were breathtaking; the technology was modern. Even the inaka, some places like the old villages, was cool! (esp when you compare those places with Guangzhou and Shenzhen!) It was like everything was soooo good. I then wondered: what if I were a Japanese?

This time when I visited Osaka, I was so much impressed again by everything I saw. Everything looked nice. The television programs were interesting; people were polite; the food was great; the GPS was reliable. Look at Yodobashi Camera or Big Camera: Their new devices were so much more advanced than those in Hong Kong. While we are still selling the old models of fridges, air conditioners, vaccum cleaners and the like, they have already launched the latest models of those a few generations ahead!

I know it is shameful to have disregarded one’s national identity, but Japan and Hong Kong are really so much different. It’s like people in China who desperately want to marry a Hong Kong born woman or man to get the identity they have been longing for. I have always belittled those who don’t even want to admit who they are, but now, should I hate myself?

By the way, looking at what I have myself now, I should be complacent and more than happy to lead a life that I am leading now. The civic education that the government has been promoting in all directions are not of no use. At least, when I am filling out my immigration documents, I would proudly fill in the designated blanks with “CHINESE” in captial letters instead of  ”British (National Overseas)” like somebody else does even now!  I do believe there are much more better sides in China than we have always thought of, but before I fully discover the genuine beauty of being a Chinese, forgive me if I still some time dream of how good it would be if I could be a Japanese.

The youtube clip posted was about a flight attendant doing raps, and most of the passangers apparently enjoyed that a lot. It’s like the time I went to the Philippines, and the flight attendants were singing together with most of the passangers most of whom were of the same race. They laughed, danced and chatted together like a family, and I could see they all enjoyed the flight a lot. At the end of the journey, they even had lucky draw and the prizes were some restaurant coupons to be used in the town centre in Manila.

I quite like the ideas of providing another type of entertainment on the flight esp long haul ones for passangers on board. Taking planes esp those without in-flight entertainment facilities could be extremely boring, and interactive activities like singing and lucky draw can really bring interest to passengers. Anyhow, I was really impressed and believed that Filippinos were one of the happiest people in the world despite their poverty.

However, I doubt whether airlines companies based in Hong Kong like Cathay can do something like this. First of all, Chinese people are mostly timid and introverted. Moreover, the attitude of most of the flight attendants in Hong Kong are far from satisfactory. Perhaps it’s time for the airlines companies to think about some other more interactive form of entertainment with a personal touch for their passengers; otherwise their unreasonably high ticket price with poor service will eventually scare off the public amid such a global economic recession.

But perhaps I am getting older… really old especially when I looked at myself in the mirror these days. I don’t care too much about how my friends feel and think sometimes. I am not saying that they are not important, but as an independent individual, I do think I have lots of ways to entertain myself, and all of a sudden, friends don’t seem to be the most important thing in my life.

People always say family should be the most prominent unit in their life, but I am sad to say that I never think my family should be put at the top of my life, though I know I should, not to mention my friends. I do admit that I need my friends most of the time, and I do have lots of good friends now, but perhaps developing my own way of thinking is more significant. I never thought that I would be a stubborn person, but the older I get, the more stubborn I think I am becoming. In the past, I really didn’t care much about how things went, and I was easy going, but now everytime I said I didn’t care, and I know I do, which is exactly like most old people behave, about which I hated very much when I was a young adult!

Anyway, spending my time with my friends is still one of my favourite pastime. Like the seafood dinner with my friends in Jordon last night and the Shanghaiese cuisine tonight. Despite the quality of the food, I did enjoy every minute of it.

By the way, perhaps my way of thinking is good for myself. As most of my friends are single, they are more available, and we can get together more often. Once they all get married, it will be more difficult to arrange even a dinner. Perhaps I should treasure more about the time we spend together.

by the way, somehow i wonder if my dog can see ghosts. once i turned on the tv, and it was showing the scene of the aftermath of the earthquake in sichuan, it barked fiercely at the screen, and it seemed to have seen something i couldn’t see there. and sometimes when i was watching some horror movie, it also barked a lot, which made me switch the channel to something else.

today when i was working in the study by myself, i found that it was barking again. it was barking at nowhere. sometimes, it was facing the door, and sometimes, i acted as if it were looking at something.

some say that animals esp cats and dogs can see something which human beings are unable to see, like the supernatural. they say that they can tune the frequency, and can ‘feel’ the presence of supernatural power; most of us have no such ability. i don’t know whether it is true or not but it reminds me of my sad and spooky experience.

anyhow, as long as i do nothing to harm anybody, it’s going to be fine.

All these are the examples of what I call ‘changes’ in life. They don’t have to be dramatic, but could be something trivial. As long as they change your habit in some way, you will find your life less boring. I find that I myself like to make some changes sometimes. However, when too many changes all come at a time, I may find it suffocating.

Isn’t it contradictory? People including myself enjoy calm and peaceful life, but we sometimes can’t bear the bordom and routine, and that’s why we have always wanted to add spice to our life! How to make the little changes which don’t cause waves but ripples?